The Adventures of Adoption and Parenthood

I'm floundering a little here. Since we gave Turtle the news of Mei Mei, which was Sunday (6 days ago), she has had at least 6 major meltdowns. The three she had on Sunday we expected and involved these screams of total rage and panic. By Monday she was bragging about her sister at school. Keep in mind we are not at all used to this many. We have seen it before but it doesn't happen that often. She had one on Monday because I wouldn't buy her anything at Toys R Us. She screamed and screamed and screamed. It was awesome. Yesterday she had an hour long meltdown, or temper tantrum, because I carried her stuffed animals upstairs and she carried her shoes and socks. She wanted to carry her stuffed animals upstairs. My response was, "well then take them back downstairs and come back up." Her response was, "No, you take them back downstairs and I will bring them back up." Not a slave to a 5 year old so didn't happen. But she raged and screamed and thras...

Turtle is on the verge of a new baby sister. Her "baby" sister is just shy of 18 months old and currently lives in an orphanage in China. I will call her Mei Mei. Turtle is both happy and anxious about this news. Last night she handed me a book that she wanted me to read titled, "Big Sisters Are the Best." As I read each page, she proclaimed emphatically, "I will not like my sister!" My answer was less than patient, "Turtle, you have told me that already. I know that's how you feel and it's perfectly fine that you feel that way. Do you want me to read you this story or not?" Frankly, her story choice surprised me. She has spurned all books that involve the glories of being a big sister. Our neighbors brought over a book earlier this week about big sisterhood that made her laugh and laugh, so I think she is coming around. At school, she is all smiles when she talks about her sister and shows off her picture. I also watched her with one...

Pardon this post, as it will be disjointed. I'm writing it in self defense so that I can go to sleep tonight. Our poor Turtle had a rough evening. She went from crying her eyes out, to hysterical laughter, to crying her eyes out, to hysterical laughter, to crying her eyes to out, to "I'm hungry. I need carrots." This took about an hour and a half. And I'm exhausted. It started because she wanted to put the dvd in herself and had the impression that her daddy helped her. So he let her re-load it. Then it was that she wanted gymnastics again. Then it was that she didn't want to stop swimming because she would miss her swim teachers. Genuine grief in her face and I knew it was much more than these things. Slowly she began to talk about her sister. We are adopting a second child from China and are expecting a match imminently. She asked if we could bring "baby stuffies" and "big girl stuffies" to China. I told her yes and asked her which ...

Last night Turtle and I had the following conversation: Turtle: Mom, will you come to my wedding? Me: Are you kidding? Of course, I will. Turtle: Who will I marry? Me: Well, you will find a nice person, fall in love, and get married Turtle with tears in her eyes and quivery lip: But I want to marry Daddy. Me: Oh, of course you can marry Daddy. Turtle: But Daddy says he is only married to you. Me: I don't think Daddy understood what you were asking him. You can marry Daddy. Turtle crying her little heart out and her face is breaking out in hives: Can you tell Daddy? Me: Yes, I will tell Daddy. Turtle: I want to marry you too. Me: I would love to marry you. Let's all marry each other. Turtle will be 5 in less than a week. She is young enough to believe that she can marry mommy and daddy and I am not at all inclined to dissuade her. She clearly needs the reassurance that we will be with her forever. What goes on in her head? What does she think about? It has becom...

I'm selfish! It's time to take a step outside myself and focus on my husband and child. But I would rather watch my favorite tv show. I would rather read a book. I would rather just go to bed. Last night, Turtle was brushing her teeth and trying to talk to me with her toothbrush in her mouth and I'm thinking to myself "could we just get on with it." Then she wanted to floss. So, she was flossing her teeth and I was waiting. You see she can't do anything if I'm not standing right there ("I just want to be with you mama."). She gets done, hands me the floss, and says, "Can you get my moles?" I love that she calls her molars her moles. So, I remembered the important things in life and gamely got her moles. I don't even remember what we did after we were jammied up last night and our teeth were brushed. We were in bed a half an hour later - I know that much. We settled into bed to start Heidi and Turtle grabbed the book and wanted t...

A friend of mine is matched with her child and is waiting for her file to get logged in the Chinese system. It brought to mind all of the misconceptions out there about the process. TV shows like Sex in the City and King of Queens show this impossibly short timeline. You fill out an application, a picture arrives in the mail and the next week you are on an airplane. The Little Couple, whose journey is very real, had to necessarily shrink their timeline for purposes of tv. Here's how it really goes: You research adoption agencies. You fill out an application and write a check. You get a packet from your agency and the real work begins. Now you have to write to government agencies requesting copies of your birth certificates, marriage certificates, divorce decrees (if any), etc. You include checks, self-addressed stamped envelopes and you wait. Those arrive, you take them along with your tax returns, and other miscellaneous items to be notarized with the appropriate languag...

When I checked the box marked girl on the adoption application, I was doing it with a certain amount of "known" expectations. Note: husband was on board with checking that box too. I had visions in my mind of helping toddler fingers change the clothes of her baby dolls and advancing into barbies as she got older. I imagined her cuddling and "mothering" her babies. I imagined lots of frilly dress-up outfits and too big dress up shoes clopping around the house. I imagined peopling dollhouses and listening to her play house with her dolls. I imagined pretend makeup and stories about princesses. I knew intellectually that girls play with everything. When Turtle turned 2, she got a kitchen for Christmas. Occasionally she "bakes" some cookies and hands them or she plays restaurant. Often the only items on the menu are things like spider pie and snake soup. Turtle, however, had other ideas about the things she would play with. My mom got her an Asian doll at ...