If I Could Do It Again

If I could do it again, I would do it differently. If I could do the 2nd China trip and every moment since then over again, I would do them differently. Creating balance in a family of 3 when adding a 4th is challenging in ways I did not expect. But I did expect too much from Prima. It hit me twice today. Once this morning when she tearfully told me that she was feeling cranky because she wished things were the way they used to be. She wished she got more quiet time, but not away from me (she is afraid that if she asks for quiet time we will tell her to go to her bedroom and play quietly instead of finding a way to keep Segunda quiet - and honestly that's exactly what we would have done) and she wished our "no's" weren't so loud. I asked her what she meant about the last one and she said, "when [Segunda] threw a book and Daddy said No to her really loud it was too loud." I was sitting on the toilet lid, holding Prima in my lap, keeping one eye on Segunda and told Prima that we would work on those things. I told her that I understand how very hard it is to be a sister and share mommy and daddy. I told her how happy I was that she told me how she was feeling.

The second time it hit me was when a dad in our travel group to get Segunda posted our Gotcha Day video on Facebook and I realized that Prima is very much second fiddle in the video. She is off playing with another 5-year old sibling or in the play area. She has not gotten enough attention since we added her baby sister. She is frustrated and hurt and angry and wants it to go back to the way it was.

So, my goal is to approach her with far more patience than I have thus far exhibited and remember that she is an anxious 5-year old little girl whom I love more than I could possibly describe. She has risen to the challenge of being a big sister and is trying valiantly to adjust but she needs help. Of course she does. She needs some mommy/daughter dates and some daddy/daughter dates and some family dates. And Segunda needs the same thing just not yet to the same degree. Prima is having a hard time understanding that Segunda just plain needs us more. She can't get herself into her seat at the dinner table, she can't climb into her car seat and buckle herself up, she can't get herself in and out of the bathtub, she can't dress herself, she can't climb into bed, and on and on. Well, Prima wants us to do all of those things for her too. And I think I will. If she needs to be carried to the dinner table to make herself feel just as loved as her sister, then it's a small thing to do for my girl. If she needs oodles of praise for eating with her fork, then I will do it. She shared with her sister the other day and I told her about 5 times how proud of her I was for making such a good choice. She beamed.

From today on, I promise to do my absolute best to approach my beautiful, sensitive and anxious Prima with praise, positivity, patience, and lots and lots of love. I cherish her and I hope someday she knows this without any doubt in her mind. She is my heart and soul and my first baby, and nothing can take that away from her not even her much loved baby sister who paradoxically is also my heart and soul.