The Adventures of Adoption and Parenthood

Tonight was the Fall Festival at Turtle's school. All of the children brought their costumes to school for the party that started at 5:00.  Teachers had them in their costumes in time for the party. Games, food and trunk or treating. Fun! We got there and Turtle was not in her costume. She asked for Dusty Crophopper and has had the costume since mid-September. It hung in her closet and everyday she went into her closet and looked at and admired Dusty. Her candy basket (also Dusty Crophopper) sat on top of the refrigerator. Everyday she stood next to the refrigerator and gazed up at the basket longingly even asked if it could also serve as her Easter basket. We brought the basket with us for trunk or treating. But she was not in her costume. All around us are spidermen, iron men, supermen, Belles, Ariels, and veterinarians. And there she stood in her black pants and black shirt looking forlorn. I immediately took her out of the mainstream of children and parents and sat down with ...

We have had a load of giggles and laughter coming from Turtle of late. It is the most musical thing I have ever heard. Sometimes she laughs so hard I can't understand a word she is trying to tell us, but it's obviously hilarious. And here is what makes me laugh, or at least smile: "Mom, what is that red thing in my vagina called again?" "A clitoris." She gazes down south and says, "How come I can't see it?" Me doing an excellent deadpan, "I'm sure it's down there somewhere." The ensuing investigation resulted a fit of giggles and I'm sure you know why. "When I'm a mommy can I play with my mommy nipples?" "Yes." "Whenever I want?" "Yes. You can play with them now if you want." (Yes, I'm that mom.) "Okay," and off she runs for her bedroom. I want to encourage healthy exploration and no shame. I never want her to be ashamed of her body and I want her to b...

Last night during dinner, husband and I were discussing when we needed to enroll Turtle in kindergarten. Turtle suddenly became tearful and upset. The questions came: "Mommy, will I be all alone in kindergarten?" "I won't know my teachers names?" "What if they leave me by myself?" "I won't know anyone." She climbed into my lap fighting tears and trying to talk around the lump in her throat continued these questions and concerns. We did our best to reassure her by telling her that she would get to meet her teacher before school even began and she would learn her teacher's name. We told her that all teachers will introduce themselves and that they have special ways of making children feel safe and comfortable in the classroom. We told her that some of her friends from preschool will be in her kindergarten class and it won't be all new kids. We told her that she had an entire year before she had to go there. Her preschool play...

It seems lately that other people's blog posts are inspiring my own. Today I read a blog post written by a man who was incensed by women judging his wife for staying home to raise their twins. His point was that motherhood is the most important that we can do. We shape human beings and teach them morals and how to get along in the world. It's not laziness to stay at home with your kids. It takes a lot of work. Towards the end of his post he discussed how we, as a society, tend to glorify being busy. It's like a badge of honor to be over-scheduled. I've given this a lot of thought since I became a mom not quite 4 years ago. We have watched our friends with kids run around with crazy schedules: this one to soccer, this one to dance, grab a snack and go get the first one and transport to new soccer field, run back pick up the second one for her soccer, and on and on. Holy Moly! I do not have the energy for that. Of course, I have one kid. I make it a point to be done ...

I've shared a blog on FB that discusses things all Adoptive Parents should know about their children, and each time I read it I get something else out of it.  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lesli-johnson/adoption_b_2161590.html  here it is for you, if you wish to read it. I often wonder if Turtle hasn't developed a "fake self" with her strict attention to rules and constant need for permission to do anything. She also apologizes for every little thing that goes wrong including things she has absolutely nothing to do with. If I drop an article of clothing on the floor, she apologizes and picks it up. She has verbalized that she is worried we will "switch her out for another child" and has even suggested it to us, as if to say we would be happier with a different child. She has never been a tantrumy child and is always watching us for clues on how she should behave. She will often ask (several times a week), "Mommy, if I cheated, would you still love...