I Had No Idea
Before I had kids, I didn't know there was a such a thing non-neuro-typical. I had no idea it would be this hard. I had no idea that being a mom was so heartbreaking so consistently. I had no idea that being a mom could be so soul-sucking. I knew about the love, but had no idea how overpowering it is. I had no idea I would want to hold my children as closely as possible while desperate to push them away. I didn't understand that children of deep trauma talked from the time they woke up until they fell asleep and sometimes in their sleep. I didn't understand that my own desperate need for quiet and solitude would get more intense the more they talked. I didn't understand that perfectionism is a diagnosable thing and that every medical professional and teacher would talk to me about it as though I could somehow make it stop. I didn't understand how many meetings with teachers I would have to have just to explain my children to them. I didn't know t