4 Sucks!
As parents, we hear about the Terrible Twos. Turtle was tantrum free at two. What is three? I called it the Theatrical Threes, because there was a bit of drama. Not much, but certainly more than at two. Four. Ah, Four. Fearsome Fours maybe. Four Sucks!
Suddenly we have loud blatant defiance. We have loud and determined No's! coming out of Turtle. We have a lot of misbehavior and testing. As a parent, you are supposed to pick your battles, but how do you know which ones to pick? There are so many lately. The other day, she insisted on walking backwards down the hall at school and crashed into a door. I told her to turn around and she said, loudly and simply, "No!" I am so taken aback by this. This is not my Turtle. Turtle is obedient. Turtle is a rule-follower. What the hell is going on? So, we stop in the hallway and I say her name in a loud voice. She looks up at me startled, turns around and leans into me like a little old lady who needs help crossing the street. We walk down the hall that way. I give her my usual giant hug and kiss and wave at her as I leave but now I feel guilty that I had to "discipline" her. She has rarely needed it until now.
I don't feel like I can take her out to eat anymore either. We went twice in the last few days and her behavior was typical for 4, but atrocious. She kept trying to slide out of her chair and under the table. She would stand up to eat. Here is the running monologue coming out of my mouth at meal time in a restaurant now:
Turtle, get off the floor
Turtle, get in your seat - on your bottom
Turtle, use two hands on your water glass
Oh, Turtle, get a napkin, let's clean you up
Turtle, eat with your fork please
Turtle, get off the floor
Turtle, use your inside voice
Turtle, please sit on your bottom
Turtle, use your napkin, not your sleeve
It's a freaking workout. I better get back to meal planning and find the energy to cook at home, because I'm flat exhausted when we go out to eat. The worst part is that she knows how to behave. We have been taking her out to eat since she was a baby.
The really fun part, is when she gets stern reprimands, she gets so upset and cries and cries and begs us to speak softly to her. We tell her if she would listen the first time, we wouldn't have to raise our voices. We don't yell, but sometimes we have to use the stern, parent voice to get her attention. It can send her into a tailspin and a long crying jag. Tons o fun!
I tried positive reinforcement earlier this week and it worked great. She was delighted with herself for getting so much praise for listening. I fell off the wagon last night and she misbehaved a bit. I want to keep the positive reinforcement going and try one other thing. When she is in the mode of misbehavior, read that to mean not listening, my plan is to gently remove her from what she is doing to another room, sit quietly with her until I have her attention and then repeat myself. I will see how that goes. Because saying, "Turtle, stop turning the lights on and off. Turtle, stop turning the lights on and off. Turtle, stop turning the lights on and off." clearly isn't working for either one of us. And I'm up at 3:30 in the morning blogging about it. Yay me!
What do you do when your child doesn't listen and exhibits blatant misbehavior?
Suddenly we have loud blatant defiance. We have loud and determined No's! coming out of Turtle. We have a lot of misbehavior and testing. As a parent, you are supposed to pick your battles, but how do you know which ones to pick? There are so many lately. The other day, she insisted on walking backwards down the hall at school and crashed into a door. I told her to turn around and she said, loudly and simply, "No!" I am so taken aback by this. This is not my Turtle. Turtle is obedient. Turtle is a rule-follower. What the hell is going on? So, we stop in the hallway and I say her name in a loud voice. She looks up at me startled, turns around and leans into me like a little old lady who needs help crossing the street. We walk down the hall that way. I give her my usual giant hug and kiss and wave at her as I leave but now I feel guilty that I had to "discipline" her. She has rarely needed it until now.
I don't feel like I can take her out to eat anymore either. We went twice in the last few days and her behavior was typical for 4, but atrocious. She kept trying to slide out of her chair and under the table. She would stand up to eat. Here is the running monologue coming out of my mouth at meal time in a restaurant now:
Turtle, get off the floor
Turtle, get in your seat - on your bottom
Turtle, use two hands on your water glass
Oh, Turtle, get a napkin, let's clean you up
Turtle, eat with your fork please
Turtle, get off the floor
Turtle, use your inside voice
Turtle, please sit on your bottom
Turtle, use your napkin, not your sleeve
It's a freaking workout. I better get back to meal planning and find the energy to cook at home, because I'm flat exhausted when we go out to eat. The worst part is that she knows how to behave. We have been taking her out to eat since she was a baby.
The really fun part, is when she gets stern reprimands, she gets so upset and cries and cries and begs us to speak softly to her. We tell her if she would listen the first time, we wouldn't have to raise our voices. We don't yell, but sometimes we have to use the stern, parent voice to get her attention. It can send her into a tailspin and a long crying jag. Tons o fun!
I tried positive reinforcement earlier this week and it worked great. She was delighted with herself for getting so much praise for listening. I fell off the wagon last night and she misbehaved a bit. I want to keep the positive reinforcement going and try one other thing. When she is in the mode of misbehavior, read that to mean not listening, my plan is to gently remove her from what she is doing to another room, sit quietly with her until I have her attention and then repeat myself. I will see how that goes. Because saying, "Turtle, stop turning the lights on and off. Turtle, stop turning the lights on and off. Turtle, stop turning the lights on and off." clearly isn't working for either one of us. And I'm up at 3:30 in the morning blogging about it. Yay me!
What do you do when your child doesn't listen and exhibits blatant misbehavior?
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