The Adventures of Adoption and Parenthood

The other day, I took Prima to get her flu vaccine. It was the kind they squirt up her nose and not a shot, but she had never had that one before. On the way there, she said she was afraid. I told her it was okay to be afraid, but they were just going to squirt something up her nose and not poke her with a needle. We arrived at the pharmacy and she was practically having a seizure over the idea of this vaccine. I explained again that they weren't giving her a shot, they were just squirting something up her nose. She said this ... "I don't trust anyone!" Wha??? Me: Do you trust me? Prima: A little bit. [and she held up her index finger and thumb a little bit apart to give me a visual.] Me: Have I ever lied to you? Prima: No. Me: When you get shots, do I tell they will hurt or not hurt? Prima: Hurt. Me: When you asked about getting your ears pierced and if it would hurt, how did I answer you? Prima: You said that it would hurt. [to be clear her ears are N...

If I could do it again, I would do it differently. If I could do the 2nd China trip and every moment since then over again, I would do them differently. Creating balance in a family of 3 when adding a 4th is challenging in ways I did not expect. But I did expect too much from Prima. It hit me twice today. Once this morning when she tearfully told me that she was feeling cranky because she wished things were the way they used to be. She wished she got more quiet time, but not away from me (she is afraid that if she asks for quiet time we will tell her to go to her bedroom and play quietly instead of finding a way to keep Segunda quiet - and honestly that's exactly what we would have done) and she wished our "no's" weren't so loud. I asked her what she meant about the last one and she said, "when [Segunda] threw a book and Daddy said No to her really loud it was too loud." I was sitting on the toilet lid, holding Prima in my lap, keeping one eye on Segunda...

Since I'm not a doctor, I'm not going to write a list of the 10 symptoms to be aware of or the 35 things that change after you bring home a baby. I'm just going to tell you my story in hopes that if you recognize some of these things in yourself, you reach out. And if you share this, then maybe others might see it in themselves and, in turn, reach out. I think for me the pressure began building in China. What was I doing? Prima was a wreck because she was afraid that mommy suddenly didn't have time for her. Segunda needed lots of extra attention because, well, she was scared shitless. And, for some reason, I felt that it was all me that needed to comfort and soothe my children. Why? My husband was, and is, perfectly capable of handling the children. When I lose my patience, he suddenly has a reservoir of it. When he loses his patience, I have a reservoir of it. We complement each other that way. But lately my patience has been coming in puddles and not reservoirs. I...

Okay, yes I know that the titans of Greek Mythology were giants, but so is my Tiny Titan. I'm talking about Segunda. My Mighty Girl. I'm learning that she is an amazing fighter. She was born with a rare genetic bone disease that kills 50% of people born with it and many think that anyone born with it outside of "the West" has a survival rate of probably 0%. But it's not 0% because ... Segunda. We have been her parents for a little over four months and in that time period, she has shown us how truly titanic she is. She has pains in her bones and we can tell because there are days when I can't really touch her legs for lotion or bathing without her shoving my hand away and fussing at me. But she smiles the next second. When her teeth become loose, I think that comes with some pain too, because she screams and cries when I brush her teeth no matter how gentle I am. But when it's over, her favorite thing to do is hug me, press her face against mine and loo...