The Adventures of Adoption and Parenthood

I welcome 2015. It's the first year since 2005 (when we initiated the adoption process for Prima) that we weren't waiting for something, or rather someone. Now both of our babies are safe at home and no more waiting. It's the beginning of a new chapter in our family. Time to more forward. I am not a resolution maker. I don't have the energy to make such definitive statements about my endeavors in the coming months. We all learn as we become adults, the future is ever changing and flexible and not at all predictable. But a few things I am working on and will continue to work on are: Find ways to be patient. Find ways to take a moment to think before reacting. Find ways to stop and listen. Find the energy to play with my children. Find an ability to release control. Find ways to stop worrying about my own perceived deadlines such as getting the kids to bed promptly at 7:00, which is difficult if not downright impossible on karate nights. Find ways to reach ...

It was Segunda's first Christmas and the first Christmas that Prima really and truly got it. And like a lot of parents out there, we were navigating the meltdown minefield leading up to Christmas and post-Christmas. Christmas Eve, Prima had a mammoth meltdown. I carried her to her room, and helped her calm down. It took at least 30 - 40 minutes for her to get it under the control. In the meantime, she kicked me in the head and refused every offer of comfort: weighted blanket, big blanket, house blanket (yes they all are  distinct blankets). I continued speaking calmly to her as she raved and raged. Eventually she calmed down. I needed a stiff drink, but acquiesced to her request to play Uno on my bed. Then I let her help me sort Legos from my Christmas present to myself. Let me say here that I buy myself Christmas Legos every year in the hopes that I can have several hours of solitude to put them together. Once a year, I want some time to myself to sort, assemble, and meticulously ...

It took 6 1/2 months, and Segunda has rage. Lots and lots of rage. When we were at the Shriner's Hospital for Children in St. Louis, she showed me for the first time. She woke up from her nap and went straight into a massive, rage filled meltdown. She was kicking her legs and trying to slam her head into the side rails of the hospital bed. She pushed her face into the bed and screamed and screamed. She kept calling out "Mama" and shoving me away. I was not the mama she was calling for. I wanted to cry for her pain. Nurses would come in and ask if she was okay. And I would explain each time that she just needed to get it out of her system and that she didn't want me to touch her which was why I was not actively trying to comfort her. My job at that moment was to keep her from falling off of the hospital bed and stop her from slamming her head into the side rails. I did that job for 25 minutes. Then we walked and we walked and we walked. Finally she was able to return t...

We checked into Shriner's Hospital, Segunda and I, yesterday morning. The trip started out auspiciously. We flew into St. Louis Sunday. We checked into our hotel for our one night of luxury. We played on the big bed. We met friends at the mall and had a wonderful meal together. We conked out nice and early. Yesterday morning, we got a lift to the hospital from the hotel shuttle. Checked in without a hitch. Oh wait ... So, I wasn't really at all prepared for this hospital stay. I just wasn't. I know moms and dads who have stayed in  hospitals for weeks and months with their sick children. And all I can say is - you parents are true, through and through super heroes. Plain and simple. The first thing I learned was that we had a roommate. The introvert in me shrieked in horror inside my head. Then I learned that there was a shower/bathtub combo down the hall for ALL of the families in the research center to share. What the what?! No toilet in there, just a tub and a shower a...