Then Something Wonderful Happened
Prima: Mom, you have told me this before and I didn't really listen. But I learned that when I stop being mean to Segunda and do nice things for her I feel really good.
Me: What makes you say that?
Prima: Well, you know how I was nice to her most of the weekend right? And then I started flicking her and noticed that I started to feel really bad. Then when I stopped something wonderful happened.
Me: Wow. What happened?
Prima: I started to feel good about myself and I started to feel like I was a good person.
Me: That's really impressive Prima. That's great personal growth. You know something. I really admire you and look up to you.
Prima: I'm supposed to admire you.
Me: Well, there is no rule that you have to admire your parents. But it can go both ways. You are a really good person and you very often make really wise decisions. You have amazing self control and you think about others a lot. You pay attention to how you feel in situations and you learn from it.
Today, for whatever reason, she decided independently that she loves her sister and told her so without anyone asking her to do it. She decided having a sister was a good thing. She has had a sister for 3 1/2 years and is finally coming to accept her.
But truly, these conversations teach me so much. My 8 year old child is much wiser than I. She thinks deeply, she feels deeply, she pays attention, and she puts it all together. Tomorrow is the anniversary of the day we met her. She was handed to me outside of a conference room in the hallway of a Chinese hotel and then something wonderful happened ... I became a mother. There was plenty of planning, hoping, thinking, and yearning that went into that day. But none of it prepared me to be Prima's mother. She is my teacher. I knew what I thought a good mother looked like 8 years ago today. But that definition has changed and morphed over the years as I learn and shift with her needs. I don't deserve this child. She is too good for me. But I am incredibly grateful to be her mother and her student. I love her deeply and completely. I hope I can rise to the incredible task before me and teach her all she needs to know to make smart decisions, stand up for herself, and live a fulfilled life. If I can pull that off, I will have lived a full and successful life.
Me: What makes you say that?
Prima: Well, you know how I was nice to her most of the weekend right? And then I started flicking her and noticed that I started to feel really bad. Then when I stopped something wonderful happened.
Me: Wow. What happened?
Prima: I started to feel good about myself and I started to feel like I was a good person.
Me: That's really impressive Prima. That's great personal growth. You know something. I really admire you and look up to you.
Prima: I'm supposed to admire you.
Me: Well, there is no rule that you have to admire your parents. But it can go both ways. You are a really good person and you very often make really wise decisions. You have amazing self control and you think about others a lot. You pay attention to how you feel in situations and you learn from it.
Today, for whatever reason, she decided independently that she loves her sister and told her so without anyone asking her to do it. She decided having a sister was a good thing. She has had a sister for 3 1/2 years and is finally coming to accept her.
But truly, these conversations teach me so much. My 8 year old child is much wiser than I. She thinks deeply, she feels deeply, she pays attention, and she puts it all together. Tomorrow is the anniversary of the day we met her. She was handed to me outside of a conference room in the hallway of a Chinese hotel and then something wonderful happened ... I became a mother. There was plenty of planning, hoping, thinking, and yearning that went into that day. But none of it prepared me to be Prima's mother. She is my teacher. I knew what I thought a good mother looked like 8 years ago today. But that definition has changed and morphed over the years as I learn and shift with her needs. I don't deserve this child. She is too good for me. But I am incredibly grateful to be her mother and her student. I love her deeply and completely. I hope I can rise to the incredible task before me and teach her all she needs to know to make smart decisions, stand up for herself, and live a fulfilled life. If I can pull that off, I will have lived a full and successful life.
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