The Imperfect Mother
I had another blog post in mind for today, but it's still percolating about language and the question why. But today, I want to talk about a blog post I just read about what a 4-year old needs to know. Here is the link if you are interested http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alicia-bayer-/what-should-a-4-year-old-know_b_3931921.html. This blog post discussed mostly what a parent needs to know and pointed out that kids need all the love and attention we can give them. The post unexpectedly made me tear up at my own parenting. I have failed!
I don't read to Turtle as much as I should. I read to her everyday, but only for a few minutes. And I'm heartily sick of reading Lightning McQueen stories, but she clearly has not had enough. I don't want to read the same Planes story about Dusty Crophopper winning the Wings Around the Globe Rally. Ugh! So, I resist reading to her because I'm tired of those stories. Shame on me! I have to find it in myself to re-energize those tired stories about Lightning, Mater, Dusty and Skipper. See them through her eyes which are lit up with delight every time we crack the cover.
At the end of day, after work and I've picked her up from school, I'm quite happy to park her in front of Little Einsteins or Octonauts while I cook dinner. It's faster and I'm exhausted. But she really wants to help me make it. Sometimes, rarely, I bring over the stool and she helps. And we both end up cranky because I'm losing patience and she doesn't feel like she is making enough of a contribution. Shame on me! I need to remember that her dream is to stand beside me and cut up soft vegetables with a plastic knife and stir the pot on the stove. Just having me near her and engaging her in the activity is enough for her.
Turtle wakes up asking questions and goes to sleep asking questions and asks them all day long. Why does that helicopter have two propellers? Why does the bubble machine not work? Why do we use soap when we wash our hands? Why does it make our hands clean? What happens to the pee when you flush the toilet? Why do I wear bandaids when I hurt myself? Why do we use toothpaste? Why does your toothpaste say Extra Fresh and my toothpaste doesn't? Can we pretend my toothpaste says Extra Fresh too? Can we go to the USS Midway again? Why is a rainbow of food good for you? Why do we have so much stuff inside our bodies? Why is there different soap for the washing machine and the dishwasher? Why is Chipotle's logo the same as Chili's logo? Why does this green stuff not taste like anything (referring to cilantro rice)? Why does the doctor give me a popsicle when I go see her? Can I go to a special school to be a pilot? Will you come with me? Can I learn Italian?
And those questions don't even begin to talk about the deeper ones she asks about 3 times a week. Why are you my mommy? Why did you pick me? Why do you love me? Why do I love you? When we were on vacation and watched that movie where the girl had a bad mommy, why was that mommy bad? (Tangled) Why was that not her real mommy? When will you die? When will I die? When I die, will they study my body?
On weekdays, we get up at 5:30 and she peppers me with questions until just before 7:00 when we leave for school. I pick her up at 5:00 and she peppers me with questions until bedtime. She gets immensely frustrated if my husband and I are talking. How dare we? But, I find myself begging her to stop talking just for five minutes. I go to bed flat exhausted from trying to answer all of her questions all day long. Often, she asks a question that I am trying to frame an answer to when out fly three more questions. Again, shame on me! I need to give those questions my serious attention. But I get frustrated with the repeated questions and the questions that she is making up as she goes because she just wants to talk "Mommy, um, why did... um, why did ... um why did ... um why did Dusty help Bulldog when he got oil in his eyes?" From the Planes movie for those not in the know. She knows the answer, but feels this need to be talking perpetually, so she makes up questions like these. That's when I beg her for silence. But there is a reason she feels the need to talk constantly and it's probably a combination of the need to learn about and absorb the world around her and the need for attention that she clearly isn't getting from us.
She has distracted parents who are busy following recipes, chatting about our day, reconciling the checkbook, folding laundry, doing dishes, processing paperwork for her sister, and she wants answers. Makes me sad and I hope to start changing that for her. I am conscious daily that she wants and deserves answers and it's an internal struggle between asking her to save her questions while I cook dinner or giving her my attention and botching dinner. I must, as we all must, figure out the right balance for our family. But right now, I think we are too distracted for our own good. Here's to engaging with my daughter daily so that she knows she is heard, valued, and cherished beyond measure and so that she knows she is loved beyond description.
The good things we do are many and I should remember those too. We have family movie night every Friday. Turtle views Saturdays and Sundays as Mommy days and she loves them. Even a trip to Target makes her weekend. She crosses the items off of the list as they go into the cart. We stop and read signs that she is curious about, she helps me sign my name at the credit card machine, and she helps push the cart.
We often do something as a family on weekends. Most recently we took a ride on Thomas the Train. She had a great time and laughed out loud at a funny magician that was at the Railroad Museum entertaining children while they waited for their ride on Thomas. She is absurdly good about not getting things she wants. When we went through the gift shop at the Museum, she asked for a toy and I told her no and she accepted it with equanimity. She gets 30 minutes of electronics every other night and when I tell her that time is up, she immediately turns it off and puts it away. She is amazing and it would do me good to remember how amazing she is and crack the cover on that Lightning McQueen story.
Do you lose patience? What do you do to take a minute and get it back? What fun activities do you do with your child(ren)?
I don't read to Turtle as much as I should. I read to her everyday, but only for a few minutes. And I'm heartily sick of reading Lightning McQueen stories, but she clearly has not had enough. I don't want to read the same Planes story about Dusty Crophopper winning the Wings Around the Globe Rally. Ugh! So, I resist reading to her because I'm tired of those stories. Shame on me! I have to find it in myself to re-energize those tired stories about Lightning, Mater, Dusty and Skipper. See them through her eyes which are lit up with delight every time we crack the cover.
At the end of day, after work and I've picked her up from school, I'm quite happy to park her in front of Little Einsteins or Octonauts while I cook dinner. It's faster and I'm exhausted. But she really wants to help me make it. Sometimes, rarely, I bring over the stool and she helps. And we both end up cranky because I'm losing patience and she doesn't feel like she is making enough of a contribution. Shame on me! I need to remember that her dream is to stand beside me and cut up soft vegetables with a plastic knife and stir the pot on the stove. Just having me near her and engaging her in the activity is enough for her.
Turtle wakes up asking questions and goes to sleep asking questions and asks them all day long. Why does that helicopter have two propellers? Why does the bubble machine not work? Why do we use soap when we wash our hands? Why does it make our hands clean? What happens to the pee when you flush the toilet? Why do I wear bandaids when I hurt myself? Why do we use toothpaste? Why does your toothpaste say Extra Fresh and my toothpaste doesn't? Can we pretend my toothpaste says Extra Fresh too? Can we go to the USS Midway again? Why is a rainbow of food good for you? Why do we have so much stuff inside our bodies? Why is there different soap for the washing machine and the dishwasher? Why is Chipotle's logo the same as Chili's logo? Why does this green stuff not taste like anything (referring to cilantro rice)? Why does the doctor give me a popsicle when I go see her? Can I go to a special school to be a pilot? Will you come with me? Can I learn Italian?
And those questions don't even begin to talk about the deeper ones she asks about 3 times a week. Why are you my mommy? Why did you pick me? Why do you love me? Why do I love you? When we were on vacation and watched that movie where the girl had a bad mommy, why was that mommy bad? (Tangled) Why was that not her real mommy? When will you die? When will I die? When I die, will they study my body?
On weekdays, we get up at 5:30 and she peppers me with questions until just before 7:00 when we leave for school. I pick her up at 5:00 and she peppers me with questions until bedtime. She gets immensely frustrated if my husband and I are talking. How dare we? But, I find myself begging her to stop talking just for five minutes. I go to bed flat exhausted from trying to answer all of her questions all day long. Often, she asks a question that I am trying to frame an answer to when out fly three more questions. Again, shame on me! I need to give those questions my serious attention. But I get frustrated with the repeated questions and the questions that she is making up as she goes because she just wants to talk "Mommy, um, why did... um, why did ... um why did ... um why did Dusty help Bulldog when he got oil in his eyes?" From the Planes movie for those not in the know. She knows the answer, but feels this need to be talking perpetually, so she makes up questions like these. That's when I beg her for silence. But there is a reason she feels the need to talk constantly and it's probably a combination of the need to learn about and absorb the world around her and the need for attention that she clearly isn't getting from us.
She has distracted parents who are busy following recipes, chatting about our day, reconciling the checkbook, folding laundry, doing dishes, processing paperwork for her sister, and she wants answers. Makes me sad and I hope to start changing that for her. I am conscious daily that she wants and deserves answers and it's an internal struggle between asking her to save her questions while I cook dinner or giving her my attention and botching dinner. I must, as we all must, figure out the right balance for our family. But right now, I think we are too distracted for our own good. Here's to engaging with my daughter daily so that she knows she is heard, valued, and cherished beyond measure and so that she knows she is loved beyond description.
The good things we do are many and I should remember those too. We have family movie night every Friday. Turtle views Saturdays and Sundays as Mommy days and she loves them. Even a trip to Target makes her weekend. She crosses the items off of the list as they go into the cart. We stop and read signs that she is curious about, she helps me sign my name at the credit card machine, and she helps push the cart.
We often do something as a family on weekends. Most recently we took a ride on Thomas the Train. She had a great time and laughed out loud at a funny magician that was at the Railroad Museum entertaining children while they waited for their ride on Thomas. She is absurdly good about not getting things she wants. When we went through the gift shop at the Museum, she asked for a toy and I told her no and she accepted it with equanimity. She gets 30 minutes of electronics every other night and when I tell her that time is up, she immediately turns it off and puts it away. She is amazing and it would do me good to remember how amazing she is and crack the cover on that Lightning McQueen story.
Do you lose patience? What do you do to take a minute and get it back? What fun activities do you do with your child(ren)?
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