The Adventures of Adoption and Parenthood

Thanksgiving … in my family it has always included the entire family. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Grandparents … I have always looked forward to Thanksgiving. It's one of my favorite holidays. My grandparents on my mom's side hosted it when I was growing up. The table was always heaped with turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, homemade biscuits, creamed corn, and pumpkin pie and lots and lots of laughter. My Uncle had some very funny stories and a  contagious laugh. My grandmother once told a story about her sister who always managed to go the bathroom when it was time to do the dishes. My grandfather was quiet, but every so often he would bring out some great one liner that brought the house down. When I was a little girl, I asked my grandmother if I could have pumpkin pie for breakfast on Thanksgiving morning. When you're little, you'll dare anything. You could have heard a pin drop. My grandmother's answer was a res...

4 years ago yesterday, we were handed our "chubby baby." As anyone can tell you who gives birth or adopts a baby, it was probably the most surreal experience of my life. We were in a travel group with 8 other families and we were receiving 10 babies. We flew to our daughter's city in the morning and had a meeting in a hotel conference with all of the families and our guide at 3:00 in the afternoon. Our guide went around the room asking us to introduce ourselves and tell her our babies Chinese name. Then she scared the crap out of us. She told us that our babies would scream for hours; they would bond with one parent and strongly resist the other parent; that all of our paperwork said our babies liked baths, but they had never had one - only a sponge bath; the bath will make the babies shriek; their belly buttons are dirty because the Chinese people believe that evil spirits get in through the belly button so it is allowed to get dirty to keep them out; don't undr...

This morning I opened my eyes around 6:30 and looked over at Turtle who was staring at me with the saddest expression on her face. Me: Turtle, why are you sad? Turtle: I don't know. So, I scooped her up and held her against me cozy under the covers. After all, we all get sad for no reason and I could certainly relate. While I was laying there snuggling Turtle thinking about sadness, I remembered the day of my father's funeral in 2006. My step mother had disallowed me from attending his funeral (the reasons are a story for another time), but I flew to California anyway because my Aunt welcomed me with open arms and it would be good to see my Aunt and cousins anyway. They were scattering my father's ashes in the Oakland Bay. So I went with them because there was this great little bayside shopping area right on the water. They all got on a boat and left me forlorn on land. I bought a cup of coffee and went and found this very out of the way place where I could watch the...

I don't know what to call Turtle's frequent attacks: anxiety attacks, abandonment issues ... But it doesn't really matter what you call it - it's real, it's awful for her, and we get through each one minute by minute. A couple of weekends ago, Turtle had a major one that started in a restaurant. We were finishing lunch and she wanted to know where her pin was (she was referring to her wing pin she got from a commercial airline pilot). Me: "I'm so sorry. I forgot them. They are at home. We'll remember next time we go to Wings Over the Rockies." Turtle: Looking positively devastated, "You always forget! And you promised!" Hyperventilating, shouting at me that I NEVER remember. I picked her up and carried her rag doll body out of the restaurant and to the car. At this stage in her meltdown, she doesn't really want me near her (I think I've written about that before). She wants her distance. So I loaded her into her car seat an...

Do you remember sleeping in on the weekends? Me neither. What is with children? You can't drag them out of bed on a school day, but on the weekends they are ready to get the day started at 4:30 in the morning. And naps ... on a Saturday or Sunday ... you must be joking. But at school 2 1/2 hours at least.

If you are like me, you had plenty of judgment for moms and dads out there and you just knew you could do it better. Well .... I remember saying to myself and as I strolled through the grocery store childless listening to some kid scream her head off as she clung to the side of the grocery cart, "I will NEVER allow my child to do that." Correction: I most certainly will. I remember one day when Turtle was about 2 I was in Home Depot humming Christmas carols shopping for Christmas decorations, Turtle was screaming her head off. She was seated in the cart just screaming and screaming. I ignored her and continued shopping. An employee came up to me and asked if Turtle could have candy. I said, "Sure, is she annoying you?" The woman said, "Oh no, it's you I'm worried about." I was stunned. I was placidly shopping and periodically cooing to Turtle to try to calm her down. But I wasn't going to give in to her demands, which was to have me hold ...