To My Younger Self

If you are like me, you had plenty of judgment for moms and dads out there and you just knew you could do it better. Well ....

I remember saying to myself and as I strolled through the grocery store childless listening to some kid scream her head off as she clung to the side of the grocery cart, "I will NEVER allow my child to do that." Correction: I most certainly will. I remember one day when Turtle was about 2 I was in Home Depot humming Christmas carols shopping for Christmas decorations, Turtle was screaming her head off. She was seated in the cart just screaming and screaming. I ignored her and continued shopping. An employee came up to me and asked if Turtle could have candy. I said, "Sure, is she annoying you?" The woman said, "Oh no, it's you I'm worried about." I was stunned. I was placidly shopping and periodically cooing to Turtle to try to calm her down. But I wasn't going to give in to her demands, which was to have me hold her, push the cart, and shop all at once. Did I look frazzled? I didn't feel particularly frazzled. But I did allow my kid to scream her head off in a store. It happened in Michael's that same season. She was flipping out because I wouldn't/couldn't carry her, push the cart and shop at the same time - I mean I'm not a freaking octopus. And I remember mildly reprimanding her for her behavior, these grandmother-types came over at speeds I didn't think they could manage and scolded me for scolding her. They offered to take her home. Really? But I did allow my kid to scream her head off in a store.

I remember saying to myself when seeing children out and about in the dead of winter with no coat on, "I will NEVER send my child outside with no coat on, and in these temperatures, what are they thinking?" Surprise surprise - Turtle has gone outside in the cold with no coat on. We took her to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo and it was snowing and she refused to put on her coat. I decided to let her have her way and bring the coat for when she was turning blue. We bought tickets and the ticket agent gave us a strange look at the our lightly clad child who was starting to shiver. We went into the zoo. Her teeth started to chatter and she finally acquiesced to the coat. We later let her jump in puddles all over the zoo in the light shoes (no boots). She had the best time and was all giggles. When we got to the car, we took off her pants, shoes, and socks and rubbed her feet with a blanket and wrapped her up snug as a bug and she was perfectly happy.

I remember saying to myself when seeing/hearing children "behave badly" in restaurants that "My child will have manners." Well, she does have manners, but occasionally she just can't help herself and the outbursts and meltdowns happen. Sometimes she sprawls across the bench seat with her head in my lap. Do I care? Not a wit. When she starts to meltdown, more often than not, I reach for my phone. Oh there goes another parent who just whips out the electronics for her kid. Yep, there goes another one. If it means I can eat in peace, you bet it's coming out.

These are just three examples of the "I will NEVERs." I have learned a lot in my almost 4 years of motherhood. One is not to judge other moms out there or their children. I've learned that children are all at different stages of their development and that some have special needs you can't see on the outside like autism or psychological issues or ADHD to name just a few. I've learned that parents know what their kids need. They understand that their child may need to scream for awhile, but they also know that if they don't finish the grocery shopping now, they can't get back to it for 3 more days. I've learned that parents understand that their child will eventually put on their coat or perhaps their child is always hot and is perfectly comfortable without one. I've learned that it's a wise choice to let your child have control once in awhile. I've learned that putting your child in front of the tv while you make dinner is sometimes exactly what it takes for the entire family to make it through the evening without shouting at one another. I've learned that the child having a massive meltdown smack in the middle of Target might be having a reaction to something that is imprinted at the cellular level in their body and they have no idea what is going on or why they are reacting this way - and their parents don't either. And when they are trying desperately to calm their child and keep them from hurting themselves it isn't pleading with them to behave; it isn't capitulating; it is a deep understanding of their child.

Let's all be more patient and understanding toward one another. We are all doing the best that we can. Cheers to Mommies everywhere!