Raising a Girl
When I checked the box marked girl on the adoption application, I was doing it with a certain amount of "known" expectations. Note: husband was on board with checking that box too.
I had visions in my mind of helping toddler fingers change the clothes of her baby dolls and advancing into barbies as she got older. I imagined her cuddling and "mothering" her babies. I imagined lots of frilly dress-up outfits and too big dress up shoes clopping around the house. I imagined peopling dollhouses and listening to her play house with her dolls. I imagined pretend makeup and stories about princesses. I knew intellectually that girls play with everything. When Turtle turned 2, she got a kitchen for Christmas. Occasionally she "bakes" some cookies and hands them or she plays restaurant. Often the only items on the menu are things like spider pie and snake soup.
Turtle, however, had other ideas about the things she would play with. My mom got her an Asian doll at the beginning of the adoption process, and all Turtle did was tap her on the face with her finger. She never cuddled her or held her - she just looked at her and tapped her. Only last week (she is a month away from 5) did I learn that the Asian doll has a name. She saw a picture of herself with the doll and said, "Oh, look, there I am with Lucy." She got a stuffed pink doll for Christmas at 10 months old and she growled at it. Literally, she growled at it. We hid it.
She loved toys that made sounds and she loved all things transportation from the get-go. She had a book called Machines at Work that she wore out. We read that thing 50 times a day everyday. We slowly began to feed her love of "things that go." We gave her 4 race cars that were big enough for her chubby little baby hands to play with. I tried again with Little People and Pop On Pals. She was interested in the Little People car and airplane and the Pop On Pals school bus. Message received.
We gave her building toys and airplanes began to emerge from the blocks. We gave her hot wheels and she and Daddy began playing "car catch" on the kitchen floor. We showed her Cars and her world began to revolve around Lightning McQueen and Mater. The books came along and ... can I just tell you how incredibly sick I am of stories about Lightning McQueen and Mater and Finn McMissile. Meanwhile, the love of airplanes continued.
We took her to the Air and Space Museum in DC last May and the love affair intensified. We bought her her first airplane that trip. She promptly named it Airplane Airplane. Then Propeller-Peller followed. Skipper came next. We took her to the USS Midway in San Diego in September and Hello Helicopters!! She has airplanes out the wazoo. She has cars out the wazoo. She has trains out the wazoo. She has helicopters out the wazoo. And they all have names.
And yet, she is all girl, in the sense I was speaking of in the second paragraph. She loves purple and pink. She loves skirts that twirl. She loves nail polish. She loves jewelry. She loves soft stuffies. Except that her stuffies are airplanes named Blimp Fish Whale "but just call him Blimp, Mom," cars, and trains. She does have an entire pod of dolphins and whale stuffed animals. She could populate an ocean with her stuffed animals (the ocean is another passion but it's behind planes, helicopters and cars): dolphins, whales, sea turtles, sting rays, penguins, octopus, fish, crabs, sharks and they have names like Washy, Jacket, Cold Water, Hot Water, Tortuga, Bruce, Henry, Ray Ray, and Pink.
My daughter is not what I expected. My daughter is better than I expected. I have to learn about bi-planes, fighter jets, rescue helicopters, race cars, and steam engines. None of which I am even remotely interested in, but I learn about it because she is curious. We feed that curiosity. She wants to pilot Air Force One someday and if that stays her dream, I hope she goes for it.
I can't wait to see what baby #2 is like. But I no longer expect dolls and princesses. I have tabled all expectations and just want to learn about her from her. Children are amazing teachers, if we would just pay attention.
I had visions in my mind of helping toddler fingers change the clothes of her baby dolls and advancing into barbies as she got older. I imagined her cuddling and "mothering" her babies. I imagined lots of frilly dress-up outfits and too big dress up shoes clopping around the house. I imagined peopling dollhouses and listening to her play house with her dolls. I imagined pretend makeup and stories about princesses. I knew intellectually that girls play with everything. When Turtle turned 2, she got a kitchen for Christmas. Occasionally she "bakes" some cookies and hands them or she plays restaurant. Often the only items on the menu are things like spider pie and snake soup.
Turtle, however, had other ideas about the things she would play with. My mom got her an Asian doll at the beginning of the adoption process, and all Turtle did was tap her on the face with her finger. She never cuddled her or held her - she just looked at her and tapped her. Only last week (she is a month away from 5) did I learn that the Asian doll has a name. She saw a picture of herself with the doll and said, "Oh, look, there I am with Lucy." She got a stuffed pink doll for Christmas at 10 months old and she growled at it. Literally, she growled at it. We hid it.
She loved toys that made sounds and she loved all things transportation from the get-go. She had a book called Machines at Work that she wore out. We read that thing 50 times a day everyday. We slowly began to feed her love of "things that go." We gave her 4 race cars that were big enough for her chubby little baby hands to play with. I tried again with Little People and Pop On Pals. She was interested in the Little People car and airplane and the Pop On Pals school bus. Message received.
We gave her building toys and airplanes began to emerge from the blocks. We gave her hot wheels and she and Daddy began playing "car catch" on the kitchen floor. We showed her Cars and her world began to revolve around Lightning McQueen and Mater. The books came along and ... can I just tell you how incredibly sick I am of stories about Lightning McQueen and Mater and Finn McMissile. Meanwhile, the love of airplanes continued.
We took her to the Air and Space Museum in DC last May and the love affair intensified. We bought her her first airplane that trip. She promptly named it Airplane Airplane. Then Propeller-Peller followed. Skipper came next. We took her to the USS Midway in San Diego in September and Hello Helicopters!! She has airplanes out the wazoo. She has cars out the wazoo. She has trains out the wazoo. She has helicopters out the wazoo. And they all have names.
And yet, she is all girl, in the sense I was speaking of in the second paragraph. She loves purple and pink. She loves skirts that twirl. She loves nail polish. She loves jewelry. She loves soft stuffies. Except that her stuffies are airplanes named Blimp Fish Whale "but just call him Blimp, Mom," cars, and trains. She does have an entire pod of dolphins and whale stuffed animals. She could populate an ocean with her stuffed animals (the ocean is another passion but it's behind planes, helicopters and cars): dolphins, whales, sea turtles, sting rays, penguins, octopus, fish, crabs, sharks and they have names like Washy, Jacket, Cold Water, Hot Water, Tortuga, Bruce, Henry, Ray Ray, and Pink.
My daughter is not what I expected. My daughter is better than I expected. I have to learn about bi-planes, fighter jets, rescue helicopters, race cars, and steam engines. None of which I am even remotely interested in, but I learn about it because she is curious. We feed that curiosity. She wants to pilot Air Force One someday and if that stays her dream, I hope she goes for it.
I can't wait to see what baby #2 is like. But I no longer expect dolls and princesses. I have tabled all expectations and just want to learn about her from her. Children are amazing teachers, if we would just pay attention.
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