Mommy, will you marry me?
Last night Turtle and I had the following conversation:
Turtle: Mom, will you come to my wedding?
Me: Are you kidding? Of course, I will.
Turtle: Who will I marry?
Me: Well, you will find a nice person, fall in love, and get married
Turtle with tears in her eyes and quivery lip: But I want to marry Daddy.
Me: Oh, of course you can marry Daddy.
Turtle: But Daddy says he is only married to you.
Me: I don't think Daddy understood what you were asking him. You can marry Daddy.
Turtle crying her little heart out and her face is breaking out in hives: Can you tell Daddy?
Me: Yes, I will tell Daddy.
Turtle: I want to marry you too.
Me: I would love to marry you. Let's all marry each other.
Turtle will be 5 in less than a week. She is young enough to believe that she can marry mommy and daddy and I am not at all inclined to dissuade her. She clearly needs the reassurance that we will be with her forever.
What goes on in her head? What does she think about? It has become evident that she worries a lot about us leaving her. She asks everyday if we will die before her and sometimes it makes her cry. I've mentioned before that she repeatedly tells me (like 3 - 5 times a week) that she wants the two of us to die together wrapped so tightly in each other's arms that "they" won't be able to pull our skeletons apart.
How do you reassure a child going through this? I never turn down a request for a hug, or a lap-sit, or to just hold her. There are days when she just wraps her arms and legs around me and holds on so tight I don't even have to support her. But I do. I hold her right back. Last night, after our conversation about marriage, tucked into bed, she pressed her entire body up against me and I held onto her until she was ready to move to her own pillow. When I wake up in the morning, she is on my pillow and as close to me as she can get. Every morning. As difficult as it is to share the bed with a long-legged, flip-flopping almost 5-year old, it is worth it. The reassurance it gives her is priceless. I can only hope that we are doing enough to help her understand that we are her parents forever and ever and we will never let her go. And I hope that we are doing enough to help her understand that she is our daughter forever and ever and we won't let her let us go.
Turtle: Mom, will you come to my wedding?
Me: Are you kidding? Of course, I will.
Turtle: Who will I marry?
Me: Well, you will find a nice person, fall in love, and get married
Turtle with tears in her eyes and quivery lip: But I want to marry Daddy.
Me: Oh, of course you can marry Daddy.
Turtle: But Daddy says he is only married to you.
Me: I don't think Daddy understood what you were asking him. You can marry Daddy.
Turtle crying her little heart out and her face is breaking out in hives: Can you tell Daddy?
Me: Yes, I will tell Daddy.
Turtle: I want to marry you too.
Me: I would love to marry you. Let's all marry each other.
Turtle will be 5 in less than a week. She is young enough to believe that she can marry mommy and daddy and I am not at all inclined to dissuade her. She clearly needs the reassurance that we will be with her forever.
What goes on in her head? What does she think about? It has become evident that she worries a lot about us leaving her. She asks everyday if we will die before her and sometimes it makes her cry. I've mentioned before that she repeatedly tells me (like 3 - 5 times a week) that she wants the two of us to die together wrapped so tightly in each other's arms that "they" won't be able to pull our skeletons apart.
How do you reassure a child going through this? I never turn down a request for a hug, or a lap-sit, or to just hold her. There are days when she just wraps her arms and legs around me and holds on so tight I don't even have to support her. But I do. I hold her right back. Last night, after our conversation about marriage, tucked into bed, she pressed her entire body up against me and I held onto her until she was ready to move to her own pillow. When I wake up in the morning, she is on my pillow and as close to me as she can get. Every morning. As difficult as it is to share the bed with a long-legged, flip-flopping almost 5-year old, it is worth it. The reassurance it gives her is priceless. I can only hope that we are doing enough to help her understand that we are her parents forever and ever and we will never let her go. And I hope that we are doing enough to help her understand that she is our daughter forever and ever and we won't let her let us go.
Comments
Post a Comment