There Was One; Soon to be Two
Turtle is on the verge of a new baby sister. Her "baby" sister is just shy of 18 months old and currently lives in an orphanage in China. I will call her Mei Mei. Turtle is both happy and anxious about this news.
Last night she handed me a book that she wanted me to read titled, "Big Sisters Are the Best." As I read each page, she proclaimed emphatically, "I will not like my sister!" My answer was less than patient, "Turtle, you have told me that already. I know that's how you feel and it's perfectly fine that you feel that way. Do you want me to read you this story or not?" Frankly, her story choice surprised me. She has spurned all books that involve the glories of being a big sister. Our neighbors brought over a book earlier this week about big sisterhood that made her laugh and laugh, so I think she is coming around. At school, she is all smiles when she talks about her sister and shows off her picture.
I also watched her with one of her bestie's little sisters over the weekend and she was really great with her. She accommodated her, included her, and was gentle with her. There's hope.
Now it's my turn to panic. We have waited for Mei Mei for 3 1/2 years and are overjoyed with our match. Mei Mei has some special needs that we will have to work through, but we knew that when we completed our medical checklist for a special needs child. And you moms of more than one are going to laugh and laugh, but I'm trying to figure out how to change our routines to include #2.
Turtle is stubborn and I mean stubborn. Not I don't want my peas stubborn, but there is nothing you can do to make me do what I don't want to do stubborn. Here's where I confess that I'm probably one of the worst mothers in history. Turtle still won't dress herself in the mornings before school. She lays on her bed like a wet noodle. If I try and make her do it, she will end up at school in her pajamas quite happy about it. And far from this being a problem, it would engender jealousy from her friends who would probably also like to be in their pajamas. She does brush her own teeth, thank goodness, and has started to take showers instead of baths. In the last couple of weeks she has agreed to walk down the stairs in the morning rather than insist on being carried. I can hear your thoughts as you read this: Hey lady, you're the parent you know. You get to make those choices not your child. Yes, I suppose that's true. Here is what it used to look like if I didn't carry Turtle downstairs in the morning: wild screaming and thrashing about at the top of the stairs until it was time to leave the house for school. Nevermind how dangerous it is to have an out of control kid thrashing around at the top of the stairs, she is now hungry, and really angry. How much are her teachers going to love that: a pissed off, hungry child who cannot get herself under control. So, rather than take that route, I opted for carrying her down the stairs and snuggling and holding her tight until I deposited her in her chair at the breakfast table. Fold Mei Mei into that.
Now that Turtle will walk down stairs by herself (Whew!) I will be able to carry Mei Mei who has two clubfeet and can't walk. But how to convince Turtle to dress herself in the mornings. If I have to dress two children instead of one I will be getting up a bit earlier. And I'm totally selfish and not willing to rise at 5:00 instead of 5:30. So, here's my plan: have Turtle pick out an outfit the night before and lay it out in my bathroom. She can dress herself while I get ready so that we are in the same room (being close to Mommy is very important to her and I have no intention of taking that away). Then when we are both ready, maybe together we can attend to Mei Mei. I will let her choose if she wants to help with Mei Mei or not, but the option is certainly there.
This all just sounds so ridiculous. So, I'll have two kids instead of one. So what? You planned for two. You did paperwork for two. You have been waiting and waiting for two. Get over yourself already. You veteran moms of more than one are probably laughing so hard by now you can barely see, especially moms of twins or triplets or ... You have had your children dressing themselves since they were two. And before that you had to do it and you figured it out. And I will too. But this is how I process: I make lists, I contemplate worst case scenarios and formulate a game plan for such scenarios, I prepare, I cogitate, I talk, I write, I read, I talk some more. And it never turns out how I planned. It's obviously not that hard. Parents have been managing for millenia. Children turn out just fine in spite of their parent's best intentions. So, I have managed to talk myself into just taking a deep breath and calming down. We signed up for two. We gleefully await two. Getting Mei Mei in my arms is just as exciting as it was when I was waiting for Turtle. Bring it on!
Thanks for reading this ridiculousness and I hope the cramp in your side from laughing goes away soon.
Last night she handed me a book that she wanted me to read titled, "Big Sisters Are the Best." As I read each page, she proclaimed emphatically, "I will not like my sister!" My answer was less than patient, "Turtle, you have told me that already. I know that's how you feel and it's perfectly fine that you feel that way. Do you want me to read you this story or not?" Frankly, her story choice surprised me. She has spurned all books that involve the glories of being a big sister. Our neighbors brought over a book earlier this week about big sisterhood that made her laugh and laugh, so I think she is coming around. At school, she is all smiles when she talks about her sister and shows off her picture.
I also watched her with one of her bestie's little sisters over the weekend and she was really great with her. She accommodated her, included her, and was gentle with her. There's hope.
Now it's my turn to panic. We have waited for Mei Mei for 3 1/2 years and are overjoyed with our match. Mei Mei has some special needs that we will have to work through, but we knew that when we completed our medical checklist for a special needs child. And you moms of more than one are going to laugh and laugh, but I'm trying to figure out how to change our routines to include #2.
Turtle is stubborn and I mean stubborn. Not I don't want my peas stubborn, but there is nothing you can do to make me do what I don't want to do stubborn. Here's where I confess that I'm probably one of the worst mothers in history. Turtle still won't dress herself in the mornings before school. She lays on her bed like a wet noodle. If I try and make her do it, she will end up at school in her pajamas quite happy about it. And far from this being a problem, it would engender jealousy from her friends who would probably also like to be in their pajamas. She does brush her own teeth, thank goodness, and has started to take showers instead of baths. In the last couple of weeks she has agreed to walk down the stairs in the morning rather than insist on being carried. I can hear your thoughts as you read this: Hey lady, you're the parent you know. You get to make those choices not your child. Yes, I suppose that's true. Here is what it used to look like if I didn't carry Turtle downstairs in the morning: wild screaming and thrashing about at the top of the stairs until it was time to leave the house for school. Nevermind how dangerous it is to have an out of control kid thrashing around at the top of the stairs, she is now hungry, and really angry. How much are her teachers going to love that: a pissed off, hungry child who cannot get herself under control. So, rather than take that route, I opted for carrying her down the stairs and snuggling and holding her tight until I deposited her in her chair at the breakfast table. Fold Mei Mei into that.
Now that Turtle will walk down stairs by herself (Whew!) I will be able to carry Mei Mei who has two clubfeet and can't walk. But how to convince Turtle to dress herself in the mornings. If I have to dress two children instead of one I will be getting up a bit earlier. And I'm totally selfish and not willing to rise at 5:00 instead of 5:30. So, here's my plan: have Turtle pick out an outfit the night before and lay it out in my bathroom. She can dress herself while I get ready so that we are in the same room (being close to Mommy is very important to her and I have no intention of taking that away). Then when we are both ready, maybe together we can attend to Mei Mei. I will let her choose if she wants to help with Mei Mei or not, but the option is certainly there.
This all just sounds so ridiculous. So, I'll have two kids instead of one. So what? You planned for two. You did paperwork for two. You have been waiting and waiting for two. Get over yourself already. You veteran moms of more than one are probably laughing so hard by now you can barely see, especially moms of twins or triplets or ... You have had your children dressing themselves since they were two. And before that you had to do it and you figured it out. And I will too. But this is how I process: I make lists, I contemplate worst case scenarios and formulate a game plan for such scenarios, I prepare, I cogitate, I talk, I write, I read, I talk some more. And it never turns out how I planned. It's obviously not that hard. Parents have been managing for millenia. Children turn out just fine in spite of their parent's best intentions. So, I have managed to talk myself into just taking a deep breath and calming down. We signed up for two. We gleefully await two. Getting Mei Mei in my arms is just as exciting as it was when I was waiting for Turtle. Bring it on!
Thanks for reading this ridiculousness and I hope the cramp in your side from laughing goes away soon.
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