The Adventures of Adoption and Parenthood

Let's talk about typical behavior. Turtle is a rule-follower who likes to make sure that everybody is following the rules. If they are not, she will find the nearest adult to make certain that the recalcitrant child is brought back into line. She is eager to please. She is quick to cry. When engrossed she does not smile and will give you no indication that she likes something (unless it is just plain old silly like the "firefighters" at Lego Land) until hours later when she can't stop talking about whatever it was that enthralled her. She is afraid of almost everything: new foods, new people, new experiences, sometimes old experiences, etc. Nothing about Turtle is terribly typical. Tonight, Husband playfully asked her whose child-sized handprints those were on the family room window knowing full well they were hers. She pointed at Mei Mei. We erupted into laughter. In that moment, we were so delighted with her typical behavior. It is so rare to see something like th...

When you adopt a child internationally, your child has blood drawn and a series of tests are run on that blood. Mei Mei had 10 vials of blood taken (don't worry the appropriate calculations were done to make sure that they didn't take too much from out tiny tot). The doctor was worried about a syndrome that might have caused the club hands and club feet along with her short stature. From there we saw a cardiologist to "rule out" any heart issues associated with the syndrome the pediatrician was worried about. Heart is healthy. Nothing to worry about. Then we went for more blood and full body x-rays. Then we went to the dentist. All of this because we have learned that Mei Mei does not have the syndrome, but rather has a rare genetic bone disease called Hypophosphatasia. It's so rare that only 1 in 100,000 children are diagnosed with it. However, the belief is that there are untold numbers with the disease who go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed. Certainly in rural ...

If you have a five-year old, then you are familiar with conversations that go like this: 5 Year Old: Mommy, can I have a tv show before dinner? Parent: Yes. 5: I can have a tv show before dinner? P: Yes 5: Before dinner, can I have a tv show? P: Yes 5: Before dinner, I can have a tv show? P: Yes 5: Did you say I can have a tv show? P: * head explodes* How does one get one's 5 year old to listen to the answers to the question that she herself has asked? How does one keep one's head from exploding in a fiery blast of gray matter and frustration? How does one continue to answer the same damned question over and over until it finally sinks into the fast-moving brain of said 5-year old?

Turtle had a rough day. She was feeling very excluded no matter what we did to help her understand that she was a valuable member of our family. Here is how our day went: Trip to Lamar's donuts where Turtle got 2 donuts and Mei Mei had Cheerios. Trip to grocery store where Turtle rode on the back of the cart and got to put the items in the cart. Home, put groceries away, fed the girls a snack. Played on the floor a little bit. Put Mei Mei down for a nap. Turtle watched golf with her daddy and she and I read from James and the Giant Peach. Naptime over, playtime with both girls. Turtle was allowed to play with my put-together legos, specifically the VW bus. Turtle helped me cook dinner. Watched the end of the US v Portugal soccer game.  Gave both girls a bath, lotioned them both up, jammied them both up. During the soccer game, Turtle told me that she didn't feel like part of this family. She told me she felt jealous because Mei Mei gets all of the attention. I spe...

We needed a urine sample from Mei Mei. Seems easy enough. She drinks, she pees, poof - urine sample. Not so fast, Mr. Logical. No drinky = no pee-y 2 juice boxes later and the pee leaked out of the bag and into the diaper Happy day Visited the pediatrician All done drinking - nope, not gonna drink. Uh uh. Syringed the fluid into her mouth 1 teaspoon at a time until the entire juice box contents are gone. She played in the sink at the doctors office soaking herself in an effort to induce pee. 1 hour later - pee. This process took about 4 hours. Finally home, fed, and diaper very full. Take off diaper, set child on lap to run bath, and child unloads a gallon of hot pee all over my lap. Perfect end to a perfect day!

At the risk of starting an intense debate, I don't like the term "special needs." It implies that we have to do something special for a particular child. And I think that all children have unique needs that must be met. Which means that it's normal to need something special. Some kids can't wear itchy clothing, some kids can't eat wet food because of the texture, some kids have to run around a lot during the day so that when the time comes to sit still they can, some kids need surgery (or surgeries or even an organ transplant), some kids need cancer treatment, some kids need parents, but they are all children and they all have intense needs that loving parents provide. I have been thinking about this a lot because our first adoption was "non special needs" and our oldest daughter has some pretty intense needs. She has strong sense of justice, a strong sense of right and wrong, she is loyal, she is worried about a lot of things, she is very sensitiv...

We have added a spunky, funny, cantankerous little girl to our household. She is 21 months old and from Henan Province in China. Here's how the trip went - buckle up, it's a bumpy ride. You all know about Turtle's PTSD and the major emotional swings she had before the trip to China. We were ready for the worst. Turns out it wasn't Turtle we had to worry about. It was me. The three of us left for Beijing on a Wednesday in May. We arrived Thursday afternoon and settled into the hotel with several other families adopting too. Friday was our tour of Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City. It was hot and smoggy. Turtle needed to be carried much of the day. I wasn't feeling well and wasn't dealing with the 14 hour time change very well. My exhaustion must have been apparent because one of the other adopting dads offered to carry her for me and another adopting dad offered up his stroller for the next day's trek to The Great Wall. My husband is not a slouch; T...