Special Needs
At the risk of starting an intense debate, I don't like the term "special needs." It implies that we have to do something special for a particular child. And I think that all children have unique needs that must be met. Which means that it's normal to need something special. Some kids can't wear itchy clothing, some kids can't eat wet food because of the texture, some kids have to run around a lot during the day so that when the time comes to sit still they can, some kids need surgery (or surgeries or even an organ transplant), some kids need cancer treatment, some kids need parents, but they are all children and they all have intense needs that loving parents provide.
I have been thinking about this a lot because our first adoption was "non special needs" and our oldest daughter has some pretty intense needs. She has strong sense of justice, a strong sense of right and wrong, she is loyal, she is worried about a lot of things, she is very sensitive, she is secure and insecure at the same time, and she is wicked smart. To parent her we co-sleep, we put her to bed early, we allow her a little tv time each day to wind down, we try to provide her with some vestibular stimulation when we can, we try to give her opportunities to run (she loves to run), we let her help around the house even if it means it will takes 3 times as long to do the task, and we try to answer the 40,000 questions she has everyday. These are her needs and how we are meeting them.
Our second adoption is a "special needs" adoption because Mei Mei has obvious physical disabilities. But these are needs that we can easily take care of. She doesn't need to be treated differently. To parent her she sleeps alone, she goes to bed at a reasonable hour, she has stimulating toys, we talk a lot, and we carry her a large portion of the day. No one with physical disabilities should be treated differently; no one with mental disabilities should be treated differently. What I mean here, is that each child has unique difficulties (special needs or non special needs) that must be dealt with. So all children should be treated uniquely. A child with a learning disability will need help learning to read; just as a child who is gifted will need help staying stimulated; just as a child who is neither of these things will need help staying engaged in the classroom. A child in a wheelchair should be included in everything an ambulatory child is doing - all field trips, physical activity, everything. That's not special treatment, that's fair treatment. All children need "special" treatment, therefore it isn't special, it's normal and what we should do for all.
Can we just acknowledge that all kids have unique needs that must parented (or taught) differently from every other child whether birthed or adopted? All children are special, therefore all children are normal and the way we choose to parent is the answer to our children's unique set of needs.
Keep the comments civil, but I would love to hear your opinions.
I have been thinking about this a lot because our first adoption was "non special needs" and our oldest daughter has some pretty intense needs. She has strong sense of justice, a strong sense of right and wrong, she is loyal, she is worried about a lot of things, she is very sensitive, she is secure and insecure at the same time, and she is wicked smart. To parent her we co-sleep, we put her to bed early, we allow her a little tv time each day to wind down, we try to provide her with some vestibular stimulation when we can, we try to give her opportunities to run (she loves to run), we let her help around the house even if it means it will takes 3 times as long to do the task, and we try to answer the 40,000 questions she has everyday. These are her needs and how we are meeting them.
Our second adoption is a "special needs" adoption because Mei Mei has obvious physical disabilities. But these are needs that we can easily take care of. She doesn't need to be treated differently. To parent her she sleeps alone, she goes to bed at a reasonable hour, she has stimulating toys, we talk a lot, and we carry her a large portion of the day. No one with physical disabilities should be treated differently; no one with mental disabilities should be treated differently. What I mean here, is that each child has unique difficulties (special needs or non special needs) that must be dealt with. So all children should be treated uniquely. A child with a learning disability will need help learning to read; just as a child who is gifted will need help staying stimulated; just as a child who is neither of these things will need help staying engaged in the classroom. A child in a wheelchair should be included in everything an ambulatory child is doing - all field trips, physical activity, everything. That's not special treatment, that's fair treatment. All children need "special" treatment, therefore it isn't special, it's normal and what we should do for all.
Can we just acknowledge that all kids have unique needs that must parented (or taught) differently from every other child whether birthed or adopted? All children are special, therefore all children are normal and the way we choose to parent is the answer to our children's unique set of needs.
Keep the comments civil, but I would love to hear your opinions.
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