Possessions and Permanence
It's generally considered a bad thing to have too many things. You should get your joy from people and the environment not from things. And in general, I agree.
However, after observing both of my daughters I have come to realize that for them, things equal permanence. Segunda bounces up and down at the prospect of having something that is only hers. Of course she does. Nothing has belonged to her until she joined our family. She has one pair of shoes that I bought for her last week and she could not be happier about them. If she isn't wearing them, she is proudly carrying them around. No, I'm not depriving her. The child cannot walk and she cannot wear hard soles. So, she only needs one pair until her feet are straightened. Then we will go shopping for regular shoes.
She gets happy and smiley when she is the proud owner of a new book or rubber duck, as my parents found out yesterday when they took her and Prima shopping. And I got to thinking. For Segunda, and for Prima too, I think that when she knows something is hers it cements her permanence in our family. It seems to help her get further and further entrenched in our household and her bonding and attachment improve by leaps and bounds on those days. If you can own a rubber duck and it lives in this great big house you have found yourself in, then that must mean that you belong in that great big house too.
Imagine being abducted by aliens but when they take you home, you find yourself amidst luxuries you could not have imagined in your wildest dreams and toys and music and a built in playmate who looks like you but speaks the language of the aliens. It might make your transition a little easier to know that some of those luxuries actually belong to you. You know that you can make this your home and start the process of settling in because your things live here too.
Prima has a hard time throwing things away when they are broken beyond repair. We do insist that she throw them away, but we talk her through it and have a sort of routine we go through to help her say goodbye. It seems to feel to her like she is throwing a piece of herself away. So we treat the process with great respect and help her through it. Since I don't want my children to become hoarders, I do coach them in the art of letting go, but I'm not tyrannical about it. We get through it slowly and respectfully.
What do you think? Have you observed this in your children if you an AP?
However, after observing both of my daughters I have come to realize that for them, things equal permanence. Segunda bounces up and down at the prospect of having something that is only hers. Of course she does. Nothing has belonged to her until she joined our family. She has one pair of shoes that I bought for her last week and she could not be happier about them. If she isn't wearing them, she is proudly carrying them around. No, I'm not depriving her. The child cannot walk and she cannot wear hard soles. So, she only needs one pair until her feet are straightened. Then we will go shopping for regular shoes.
She gets happy and smiley when she is the proud owner of a new book or rubber duck, as my parents found out yesterday when they took her and Prima shopping. And I got to thinking. For Segunda, and for Prima too, I think that when she knows something is hers it cements her permanence in our family. It seems to help her get further and further entrenched in our household and her bonding and attachment improve by leaps and bounds on those days. If you can own a rubber duck and it lives in this great big house you have found yourself in, then that must mean that you belong in that great big house too.
Imagine being abducted by aliens but when they take you home, you find yourself amidst luxuries you could not have imagined in your wildest dreams and toys and music and a built in playmate who looks like you but speaks the language of the aliens. It might make your transition a little easier to know that some of those luxuries actually belong to you. You know that you can make this your home and start the process of settling in because your things live here too.
Prima has a hard time throwing things away when they are broken beyond repair. We do insist that she throw them away, but we talk her through it and have a sort of routine we go through to help her say goodbye. It seems to feel to her like she is throwing a piece of herself away. So we treat the process with great respect and help her through it. Since I don't want my children to become hoarders, I do coach them in the art of letting go, but I'm not tyrannical about it. We get through it slowly and respectfully.
What do you think? Have you observed this in your children if you an AP?
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